Promises Made, and Promises Broken

Okay, as cold as it sounds trust me on this one, be sure all of your financial matters are written out, signed and legal. I am faced with a very odd situation where my husband did not do something he should have because he trusted his family member to do the right thing.  As many times as I talked to  him about this situation, he kept telling me over and over this situation will be okay because his family member would never do something that was not fair.  By the time my husband realized he needed to do something to secure this situation it was too late because his speech became limited and his train of thought was so bad he refused to talk to anyone. Now I am faced to handle this situation on my own, and there is nothing to go on except here say.  I did find a legal document that I could use if I want to hire an attorney but that is just something else I need to decide on here soon.

Don't get me wrong, I was not an old fashion housewife that did not know anything.  Actually, I was very independent in my marriage, in the twelve years we were married. I tried to lay back some and let my husband handle some things... NOW I realize I should have carried on learning the way I was before he and I got married.

Even though I have a ton of things that need taking care of... I still have days where I do not want to think about anything, do anything, or be involved with anything. I just want to hide and continue to slap myself out of this nightmare I am living in.  Life after a spouse passes is like standing up learning to walk for the first time. And sometimes the sadness of my loss just really lays heavy on my shoulders and I could care a less about anything that needs done. But the next day I look at things through a new day prospective and get up and keep battling. So I suppose the saying each new day is a blessing, is very true.

Google Search has been my saving grace. Of course I will always be thankful and grateful to my friends and family, but having Google Search has been a life jacket for me. As I have mentioned before, when you are grieving you just get so tired of talking about things...but there are things that you are going through and you need to know if there are rational explanations for them or not. Yes, some may appear to be paranormal, but some are just flat out things that makes you feel like you are losing your mind.  I am suffering Separation Anxiety really badly along with social phobia.

Towards the end, my husband could no longer sleep in the bed, when he tried both he and I were up most of the night fighting different battles with his disease.  So my Separation Anxiety really started before he passed because I hated being in bed without him, yet I couldn't sleep with him in bed with me... so it meant me going without a sleep which was okay as long as I could be in a room with him.

Some of the post I have found online talked about the wife being eerie at night due to paranormal things. Now the paranormal is something I am more than aware of.  I have experienced things since very early childhood and it continues to this day.  My husband always promised me two things:  One he would never haunt me, and the other one he would never leave me. I know for a fact he is watching over me and even hangs around here a lot. Sweetie will always sit outside my office door staring upward as if someone was standing in front of her, not to mention she runs around like she is playing catch with someone.

I choose to not acknowledge my husband if it is him here (paranormally speaking) because I desperately need closure.  I suppose that sounds cold as hell, but it is taking everything I have to move forward and find some kind of direction in my life. Part of me feels like getting in the jeep and just taking off.. getting away from all of the memories of this home. There is nothing holding me down. Financially speaking that is not a wise decision-mentally speaking it feels like the perfect thing to do.  But would that be considered running away from my problems? Just another thing I have to think about. 

I have learned that promises made now are only figments of a child's imagination. I use to be a huge stickler on promises, if you broke a promise you made to me, meant a trust flag would go up... now after the promises made and the promises broken, they are just words that someone gives to another in hopes of making the person feel good and/or secure.