I am about to share some pretty private shit...and the reason why, hopefully to help others in some minutiae
way. All of my life my writing and my art has been
somewhat odd but to me, very personal and I know exactly what it means. I
understand no matter what I write people will see something in it that may not
always be the concept of the post. Don't
get me wrong, to each their own, and I will respect that, but I will never be
able to completely explain things I write nor will I ever try to do so again.
Through my other post I have expressed some of the things I am experiencing from the
lost of my husband. I have down days and
a few good days but lately I have felt my emotions getting out of hand. Yes, I
understand the planets are lined up strange, and yes I understand we are
picking up energy from the last eclipse, but there is more going on with me
than I can understand.
I have learned that no matter how strong you are, there are going to be weak moments.
You may only have them in private but I
promise every person will have them. Well,
I am having my weak moment which I finally admitted to myself. I have
come to realize I cannot handle all of these emotions by myself and I sure in
the hell am not going to burden anyone I care about with my problems. So I found a therapist, made an appointment
and beginning the later part of this week, I will be going to therapy sessions.
I cemented my husband this past November. I have
one of two choices, either I walk around with a cemented soul and feel dead or
I fucking wake up and live. I am making
the choice to live. I am so tired of
pushing people away from me.. I allow them to take a few steps towards me and
in a flip of a coin I knock them back fifteen steps.
Anyway, the whole purpose of writing this post
besides hoping it will one day help someone else.. I just wanted to say just
because I feel I am having a weak moment , giving in and going to see a
therapist, does not make me a weak woman-it just makes me a woman who made a
decision to live. So.... if by chance
you have lost someone in your life and you are having an internal battle and
feel like you are coming unglued... do a Google search in your area- type in
therapist and a list will come up. Go through the list and find one that feels
right and has fees you can handle. You
are not being weak if you do that.... it just means you too have made a
decision to live.
Posts
I always wonder why we have to call these moments weak at all. To me they are natural responses to a trauma we've suffered. What does it mean to be strong anyway? Does it mean just being able to hide our feelings better than most? I think real strength is gained through the acknowledgement of our feelings, whether that is empowerment, or in moments when we feel we're losing control. Facing emotions takes a huge amount of strength I find.
ReplyDeleteYes, it does take a huge amount of strength. But some people have the abilities to brush whatever is wrong off of their shoulders like water on a ducks back. Are they strong? Or could it be they just don't give a shit? Who knows truly except for each one of us individually. I do not feel like a weak person... I am a woman trying to find life again and I needed help digging through some shit that was laid on me.
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