Monday, March 30, 2015
No Matter How Strong
I am about to share some pretty private shit...and the reason why, hopefully to help others in some minutiae way. All of my life my writing and my art has been somewhat odd but to me, very personal and I know exactly what it means. I understand no matter what I write people will see something in it that may not always be the concept of the post. Don't get me wrong, to each their own, and I will respect that, but I will never be able to completely explain things I write nor will I ever try to do so again.
Through my other post I have expressed some of the things I am experiencing from the lost of my husband. I have down days and a few good days but lately I have felt my emotions getting out of hand. Yes, I understand the planets are lined up strange, and yes I understand we are picking up energy from the last eclipse, but there is more going on with me than I can understand.
I have learned that no matter how strong you are, there are going to be weak moments. You may only have them in private but I promise every person will have them. Well, I am having my weak moment which I finally admitted to myself. I have come to realize I cannot handle all of these emotions by myself and I sure in the hell am not going to burden anyone I care about with my problems. So I found a therapist, made an appointment and beginning the later part of this week, I will be going to therapy sessions.
I cemented my husband this past November. I have one of two choices, either I walk around with a cemented soul and feel dead or I fucking wake up and live. I am making the choice to live. I am so tired of pushing people away from me.. I allow them to take a few steps towards me and in a flip of a coin I knock them back fifteen steps.
Anyway, the whole purpose of writing this post besides hoping it will one day help someone else.. I just wanted to say just because I feel I am having a weak moment , giving in and going to see a therapist, does not make me a weak woman-it just makes me a woman who made a decision to live. So.... if by chance you have lost someone in your life and you are having an internal battle and feel like you are coming unglued... do a Google search in your area- type in therapist and a list will come up. Go through the list and find one that feels right and has fees you can handle. You are not being weak if you do that.... it just means you too have made a decision to live.