Saturday, April 11, 2015
Often Promises are Unrealistic
Beauty in the Simple Things
Each person in life will have that one thing that means the world to them. Other than family, and so on, a life action, word or belief. A promise to me use to be my one thing that meant the world to me. I have never made a promise that I did not work my ass off to keep, until my husband passed.
During the time of his sickness, I made promises to him that truly were unrealistic. At that time my only concern was to make my husband as comfortable - with everything as possible. I have allowed the guilt of my unrealistic promises to get the better part of me lately. Than something clicked in my mind, I am a live, I am human or at least going around in a human body... I am allowed to have a life, to breathe with ease, to feel beyond touch. As a living person if I choose to give up, what does that say about my character?
Don't get me wrong, I have a hell of a long way to go in understanding and forgiving myself. But the truth of the matter is realizing how things react to other actions. If my husband wasn't so sick, I may of realized the promises he wanted me to make were unrealistic and I wouldn't have made them. I believe I can say that honestly because I know me the way I do. And I believe the people that know me the best would agree with me.
Promises and Love both are two words that are thrown around without a second thought today. There use to be a time when the two words meant a lot. I suppose that may be one reason why I am going through some of the things I am, because I come from a generation that understood and held words in a great respect.
Coming to terms and realizing today that the promises I made were unrealistic helps me to breathe a little easier. It's pretty funny once you allow yourself to talk openly to someone-how things begin to make sense again in your mind. Breaking the unrealistic promises I made does not make me an untrustworthy person. I believe that was one of the things I hated the thought of.
As time goes on, and the more I am able to release my guilt from this situation, the faster I believe I will heal. But as they always say... a journey begins with one step at a time.