Often Promises are Unrealistic

Beauty in the Simple Things

Each person in life will have that one thing that means the world to them. Other than family, and so on, a life action, word or belief.  A promise to me use to be my one thing that meant the world to me.  I have never made a promise that I did not work my ass off to keep, until my husband passed.

During the time of his sickness, I made promises to him that truly were unrealistic.  At that time my only concern was to make my husband as comfortable - with everything as possible.  I have allowed the guilt of my unrealistic promises to get the better part of me lately.  Than something clicked in my mind, I am a live, I am human or at least going around in a human body... I am allowed to have a life, to breathe with ease, to feel beyond touch.  As a living person if I choose to give up, what does that say about my character?

Don't get me wrong, I have a hell of a long way to go in understanding and forgiving myself. But the truth of the matter is realizing how things react to other actions.  If my husband wasn't so sick, I may of realized the promises he wanted me to make were unrealistic and I wouldn't have made them.  I believe I can say that honestly because I know me the way I do.  And I believe the people that know me the best would agree with me.

Promises and Love both are two words that are thrown around without a second thought today.  There use to be a time when the two words meant a lot.  I suppose that may be one reason why I am going through some of the things I am, because I come from a generation that understood and held words in a great respect.

Coming to terms and realizing today that the promises I made were unrealistic helps me to breathe a little easier.  It's pretty funny once you allow yourself to talk openly to someone-how things begin to make sense again in your mind.  Breaking the unrealistic promises I made does not make me an untrustworthy person.  I believe that was one of the things I hated the thought of.

As time goes on, and the more I am able to release my guilt from this situation,  the faster I believe I will heal.  But as they always say... a journey begins with one step at a time.