Snail Mail What is that?

*Laughs* I purposely used this photo of a very old trunk I took a photo of years ago.  When we think of snail mail today, it sort of reminds us of something ancient-old something from the past that is almost forgotten.  At least it does to me... today's world of technology is taking over and soon it makes you wonder if there will even be a need for humans in the future. Okay, that may be carrying it a little too far, but you get my point.

I remember how excited I use to get to go to the mailbox and there would be a letter in there for me from a friend I had not heard from forever it seemed.  I would open the letter and read it a few different times to make sure I understood everything that was being said. Perhaps I read it so many times because I missed that friend terribly!! By reading the letter, it seemed (in some small way) really good to know I was not forgotten.

I also remember opening snail mail letters that would often be letters of apologies perhaps from a friend I had not heard from in a long time because we stopped communicating for some unknown reason that neither of us could really explain. 

But here is what I do know, no matter how much time goes by, I will always become excited to open a letter that came to me via snail mail.  I miss the personal feelings from letters, it always felt nice to know someone cared enough to take a few minutes out of their busy life to write a note.

Call me old fashion, call me ancient, it does not matter, but I will never give up on things in life that matter to me from years gone by.  Besides, as long as it is important to me, nothing else matters!!

So my rant for today is this:  Remember how it made you feel to open a letter from the mailbox? You can make someone feel that same joy; by just taking a few minutes and writing a few sentences to let them know you are doing ok and hanging in there. Trust me, it will bring a smile to your friend's face.  

What are your thoughts on snail mail?

Happiness

I have been thinking a lot lately about happiness.  Every day we look around and we see people smiling, couples admiring each other, friends just enjoying each other.  And yet there are those who are looking through a window and often wonder how can someone be so happy?

They say in life that it is up to each of us to create our own happiness. Yet, I often look and wonder; how all of the people that we see that are so happy would be during life's tragic moments. I wonder how they would create their happiness being alone.

Of course, it is easy to laugh when you have someone to laugh with you. Of course, you are happy when you are sitting across from a loved one, with the candle glowing and the wine sparkling right before you make a toast together celebrating life's joys.

We hear stories of how couples will have traditions during the holidays, both laughing, playing, singing and dancing while decorating a tree. And yet, they say it is up to each of us to create our own happiness. And the question remains, would they be so happy if alone?

So in a sense, when it comes to happiness isn't most of the people you see that are so happy, those who have someone with them?  I have heard so many people  say  'of course they are happy'. But are they underneath?

Of course, you can be happy being wrapped in someone's arms, kissing and holding on to each other as if nothing in world mattered, except that moment in time.  But I suppose, there are several different kinds of happiness also. There are quick fixes when you are watching a television show and you laugh your ass off... or times when you find just the right item and purchase it because it was exactly what you had been looking for.  Or when you go to the store and try on something that are a couple sizes smaller which means you are losing those few extra pounds.  All of these are quick fixes.. happy moments that will soon be forgotten. Moments that truly does not mark anything special in life.

I remember when I was a teenager, I would look through magazines and wonder to myself what makes that person so happy?  We can daydream and wonder if that person really is happy or are they trying to convince their self they are? I was doing some research the other day about a syndrome I heard of, and within the research I read this article that said: "Fake it until it becomes real." Honest to goodness it truly said that...

If you stop and think about it, that could possibly work... okay, they say if you repeatedly do something for three weeks in a row it becomes a habit.  So if for three weeks you pretend you are happy, does that mean in three weeks you will be happy??

I don't know if that will work or not... but here is what I do know. The biggest part of life and being happy is when you have someone to be happy with. NO, you can not rely on that person to make you happy but it is the small tiny things you do together that creates this massive bundle of joy which equal happiness.  Find a happiness like that being alone ... I dare you! If you can, 'high five' to you, wanna share your experience? Comments are open, if are you willing to share your view?

What kind of Dream is this?

Grant you I have had some different kind of dreams but holy cow, this one has thrown me for a loop.  I fully understand our dreams can only be interpreted ourselves - because we are the ones that know the true meanings, but this one has me fully stumped.

So with the understanding of knowing that, I would truly appreciate any insight, thoughts or suggestions you may have in helping me to understand what kind of things this dream could mean.  I wrote out the parts that I could remember... and they are pretty much in order in which they happened.

Thank you in advance for any thoughts!!

WhiteOak

"Talking to back door neighbors and they asked how I got so many hummingbirds to come to me. As I was gathering their feeders a dozen or so of the hummingbirds came to me and got tangled up in my hair.

There was a white cat with white kittens. Some of the kittens were soft cute and fluffy and the others were mangled, deformed and dead.  The mother cat was laying down feeding the healthy cats and after a few minutes a dolphins head appeared.

The mother cat was either eating the dolphins tongue or cleaning it.  I was trying desperately to find the telephone number for the animal shelters but couldn't find it.  The mother cat started to stuff the mangled kittens into the dolphins mouth.

The back door neighbors had a little fuzzy dog running around and Sweetie was following it and stopped listening to me. When I called for her, she ignored me. I did not want her to get around the cats and dolphin head.

I was in this apartment building that use to be a college or high school and the rooms were being rented out to small businesses. One of my friends (do not know who she was) rented a room and started to fill it with supplies and sectioned off a space with a screen and table so she could do energy work on people. "

When Love turns to Pity

I am not even sure love is the right word used here.. perhaps it should be more "Mind Games turns to Pity". Yeah, I like that a lot better.  I have written many different things about how people on the net pretend to be one thing and they turn out to be something else.  Afterwards, you look at the situation and you think, holy shit how could I have been that stupid!

The truth of the  matter ladies is: There are a lot of men (and women) that become these experts in Fu*king with people's mind because they do not have the guts to see the real the person they are (I wonder why).  They create this person in their mind they think they are and the whole person becomes this fictitious monster who preys on people's minds and hearts-very similar to a psychic vampire.  They make you believe all of this shit and as your are falling for them, they are sucking your energy dry!

Once you figure out what in the hell is going on, you look at the whole false relationship and all you can feel is pity for that person... and if they are married you feel sorry for their wife being so damn stupid thinking their husband is being faithful to them and all along the husband is a monster screwing around with many different people's hearts and mind. But here is the kicker, the wife stays in the relationship anyway because she believes in his bullshit lies-Poor stupid bitch!

The games people play... they lie, they lie some more and everything becomes this vicious ugly cycle.  All of the emotions becomes this pity that develops deep within that makes you wonder how could I have ever felt anything towards that person.  It makes you want to bathe in a smudge pot to cleanse your energy for ever allowing such a beast to come close to you.

RESEARCH the person who you think you may have feelings for especially if you meet them online.  I MEAN truly research the person.  Everything may appear to be fine until you receive a note from a wife you KNEW nothing about-but then more lies are told to you until you find out additional shit from other people he had done the same thing too. Actually several other people!  Just thinking of this person today makes my skin crawl... Ladies beware of a monster who claims to be one thing.. he is truly something completely different. 

All I can say is... Thank the Goddess and Divine for Karma.  What comes around goes around!! Always and Forever!

Battle of Opening Up

In life, there are so many different kinds of people battling things that are so hard to explain. Often everything is kept inside and the energy builds.  The  emotions, anger, hurt, jealousy, envy... all related to EGO will soon  build to a powerful ball of energy that will eventually explode.

In reality, we are struck at times with lack of motivation, hurtful feelings from being lied too and all of these emotions turns into a poison inside and it will eventually explode and poison our system. m3meWhy do we let things like this happen? DO we let things like this happen? Are we all just puppets being lead around by a force unseen?  Who in the hell knows really.  The fact of life is we experience things that truly often we just do not understand.

There is one type of personality that is very much related to me.  I am such a private person that opening myself to someone or to a certain kind of emotional feeling is very hard to me.   Often by others I am seen as a strong independent woman, and to a  point I am.  I also have moments of weakness and sadness... and I feel lost.  Sometimes, I even get my 'brave' on and allow myself to feel certain emotions and/or allow people into my life because a higher part of myself wants so desperately to believe in things that are often only seen in fairy tales.

Sometimes I put myself in positions where I walk a double edge sword.  I fight myself to open up, and yet I fight myself to keep a distance.  I fight myself to allow people to love me, yet I fight them to push them away... all the time feeling such strong feelings that those feelings etch themselves into my soul.  I have shared this before with people.. if I say I love you, I will love you throughout life. I may not be in contact with you, I may even walk completely out of your life... but deep within my soul I will always love you.

Can you love more than one person at a time... of course you can.  But loving someone does not always mean you will let them in... a deep emotional, spiritual love is the love that washes through your soul like water running in a lake. That is the kind of love that you battle yourself in opening. Deep within you fear it will hurt you, yet it makes you feel so alive. Here is what I know without a doubt, you cannot love two people at the same time like this.  This is the  kind of love you guard yourself from and try to keep out. You do this because you do not want to be hurt yet you end up hurting anyway. 

No woman, nor man deserves to have to share that energy that love with another person.  To love someone, I mean to truly love someone you must be willing to open and allow that love in and flow through you like water into a lake. Never allow yourself to be second in anyone's life.. you are so much better than that.

One of the main things my late husband taught me was how to love a physical person unconditionally. With all of the beauty and ugliness of each individual the bottom line is love has no eyes.  When I fully allowed his love in (which in my case, unfortunately, was after he passed) I know now why I was faithful to him and he was to me... because we shared a love with each other that washed through us both.  The love/hate emotions we shared was indeed the water rushing into the lake.  The love was soft and smooth, yet rough and hard... but in the end, the love was real.  Once you feel that kind of love, that is when you will truly understand what I am saying

Betrayal, Heartache and Evil

Bittersweet

After I lost my husband to cancer this past November, I have had to put myself into therapy.  That is not a huge secret, I have written about it in some of my other articles- in hopes of it helping others.  I was truly making headway... I was finally beginning to forgive myself for things I had to say to my husband to make him feel  better.  I finally started to open up and allow myself to feel 'life' again.  But you take one step forward and a 100 steps back once betrayal enters the picture. 

One line I hate most in the world is: "just let it roll off your back like water does on a duck's back." Fuck that shit!  Lies, betrayal, heartache and evil all go together and it is not a matter of allowing water to roll off of your back like a duck, it is a matter of waking up and seeing fucking people for who they really are.  You think you have trust and respect for someone... baby, the world is full of con artist that can feed you so many lies, you have no choice but to believe them.  Even when in your inner most private heart area you know something is not right.... you still become star struck from all of the lies you are being fed.

In this kind of situation you want so much to just blame the other person, it is all of their fucking lies that put you where you are in this moment.  Why should any of it be my fault? Right, wrong, indifferent who gives a fuck... when you grow up wearing armor made of steel just to protect yourself against the idiots in the world... you build this comfort zone within and soon you stop allowing yourself to feel anything. But after years and years of wearing this armor... you try to step into the world again in hopes of feeling something.. anything positive. But  death, lies, disrespect, evil... they all wait around each corner you walk, just to give you a good dose of something to feel.

But that still doesn't answer the question does it? Why should other people's lies be my fault too? Because I fell stupid and believed I could trust someone again.  Lessons upon lessons upon lessons... it never stops.  If you get hurt, you want to hurt the other person too... the one thing I have actually learned is I personally do not have to anything.. karma, the divine, spirit guides.. who knows, they will take care of things for you. It may not be today or tomorrow.... but you can bet, it will catch up with you.  I have kissed that bastard too many times in my lifetime, so I know for a fact you cannot hide from it.  In some odd stupid way;  I almost feel sorry for those people... I know how bad the bastard can kick your ass.

Always remember this one thing if you never remember any other word I have written.... there is a huge difference between being dark and evil.  Every one of us has a little darkness in us... it is a balance, almost in a playful dark way.  Evil... well it is out to kill you and destroy any kind of hopes, dreams and light you have been searching for.

Once upon a time

Thoreau Quote

Once upon a time, there use to be this thing called love. Then came along the internet, the world wide  lake of the internet; where there were trillion of fish swimming around.  Many, lonely people would take their fishing poles to the web and sit for just moments and caught more on their line than could ever be expressed.

As each person reeled in their catch all they could think about was I will love you forever and ever.  But once they looked over their shoulders and seen what the other people caught, they turned to look at their catch again and the words I will love you forever and ever became something else too sad to express.

Many fish have been thrown back into the world wide lake of the internet only to lay dormant on the bottom of the floor, in shocked, in pain, never wanting to surface again because of the heartache. In the world of cyber you can be anything you want, you can say anything you want, you can look any way you want. Think about it, who really knows except for you if what you are putting out there is real or pretend?

Many people will open their hearts, they actually get high from emotions that seem real but come to find out many things were only lies and deception.  Who is really the blame? Can we actually always blame the other person? Aren't WE at blame too... shouldn't we know better? Shouldn't we learn after hundreds of attempts to try and find true love from the world wide lake of the internet - that it is not always what it appears to be?

I think about things like this a lot.  I am just like millions of other women I have been reeled in with deceptions and lies, I have been hurt, cried many of nights over situations I had no control over.  I have found love and lost him to cancer - but even he lied to me in the very beginning.   So not everything that comes from the world wide lake of the internet is bullshit - sometimes things may have a little seaweed attached to them, but once you get passed that, sometimes you will find what you are looking for. 

I have been around the internet for many, many moons and have known many people and have actually met some in people-dated a few, married one.  Some the meetings were wonderful, some of them were not and yes, there has been a time or two I was somewhat scared.

The games that are played online are very sick.  What many people do not understand is online when we develop feelings, it is a spiritual connection... something that fully outweighs the physical part.  That is why we are hurt differently and yet more strongly than being hurt in person.  When you are messing with someone's spirit you are biting off more than you ever realize.

I left the web for a few years because I was sick of the lies, deception, hurt, and bullshit.  I have to admit, that has been rambling on in my mind again.  I am way too old to play games and besides to be a 100% honest I am not worth a shit at games because I do not play them.  This is what you get if you don't like it -  fish for someone else. 

Not everyone is out there to play games with you, I have met some beautiful friends that I cherish with all of my heart.  I have met people who said they were a friend but only because they wanted to hook up with my guy friends... YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE; if you can see this. It is people like you that poisons the World Wide Lake of the Internet for many others.

The bottom line, there will always be two sides to every coin. Think about who you open up too .. think about all of the possibilities and opportunities there are for people to lie to you. Always walk with caution before you open your spirit to people who say they care, but most important, be above those people and DO NOT PLAY GAMES WITH PEOPLE'S HEARTS!